Friday, January 30, 2009

Now I know

I am scared of realism portraits,

that lead me to loving cartoons.
But still the question remained,
Why in the world am I scared?

At first i thought it was because,
I already see real people in this world,
why make more in form of art?
It's just too much.

Then I next i thought,
Cartoons give a more relaxing aura,
Realism is just too serious.
I want to gain joy with arts!

And then I thought,
Realism sometimes deforms the features,
Sometimes it makes a monster out of people,
but at times gives more beauty.

Then finally today i found the answer.
I am not scared, i just don't like it,
You may not agree with my answer,
but this is how i really see it.

I dislike realism for the reason that,
I saw pictures of Jesus in realism form,
And He was always frowning,
because of that, I thought He was always serious.

But then, cartoons gave Jesus a different image to me.
In cartoons He'd always be smiling or laughing.
That's the Jesus I really want to picture.
Someone who's open, approachable, and lovable.

Again, this is my own perspective,
Respect mine and i will do as well to you.
If i somewhat disrespect yours,
Forgive me I never meant to give harm.


Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Worst of Me

The worst of me has come out of today,

This is a sin that has always been a struggle,
For women like me, who feel insecure at times,
Insecurity that leads great pain to other people.

As James 3:5 says, The mouth is a small thing, 
but what enormous damage it can do.
I've stabbed somebody behind his back,
without him doing no harm to me at all.

It's like this mouth i cannot control,
loudly saying bad things behind his back,
not knowing that he was literally at my back.
I know he's now hurt and in great pain.

An apology is required, but pride is in the way.
I don't know how this day would end,
but surely I am at the verge of my tears,
Knowing what to do, but undecided how.

He smiles and shows that all is fine,
but i know he heard every bit of word i've uttered,
gossiping is a weakness of every woman,
It's something I must learn to destroy deep within.

Right now, my mouth wouldn't open,
I'm scared and deeply depressed,
Because i know i've hurt somebody close,
but worst of all, i know I've caused great pain to God.

Wanting to run to God for forgiveness and wisdom,
but shame and disappointment is written all over my soul,
Confused I am right now, distracted from everything else,
I know i must apologize, but for now i cannot.

My smile has faded for the day,
For I was the cause of a wounded heart,
Who meant no harm to me,
On this bright, supposed to be, happy day...

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Mary, or Martha?

I've always compared myself to Mary or Martha,

I've always knew that I am more of a Martha,
I thought i could only use this analogy with ministries,
But no... It can also be used with relationships.

Imagine, me getting married with having a Martha only,
Who gives much importance to work,
Less with listening and sitting on a cozy night with him,
Who'd rather cook an amazing dinner and not eat together.

Imagine, doing laundry for the sake of cleaning for him,
Forgetting to appreciate how he actually looks in those clothes.
Imagine, Cooking long hard worked, professional, scrumptious meals,
Forgetting to enjoy the meal, I've worked hard for him, with him.

Imagine, buying creative expensive unique gifts for him, 
Forgetting that a simple long chat in a coffee shop is so much better.
Imagine, studying in a school of the "how to's" of a married life,
Forgetting that finding out about it together is much more better.

Imagine, working my butt off just to impress him with my skills,
Forgetting that my support and attention is what he needs best.
Imagine, working hard on a surprise birthday party for him with hundreds of visitors,
Forgetting to actually give time for him on his special day.

Imagine, making the house clean to make him feel comfortable,
Forgetting that what he needs is my touch, my attention, my love.
Imagine, serving God in church with a different ministry as his,
Forgetting that i should be beside him with his ministry.

Forgetting that my ministry is to be there in his side,
Through thick and thin, I should be there to encourage him,
Forgetting that i wasn't made to work for him,
but to listen, encourage and to make him smile in tough times.

I want to learn how to be a Mary, before i even meet him.
A Martha heart is what i have, and must change in priority.
For the man who has a heart of a Jesus deep within,
Yearns for a woman who has a heart of a Mary.

Monday, January 26, 2009

My Own Interview

Sometimes I like to pretend that people interviews me. It's my way of practicing my own perspectives, but somehow i could not say them in front of a person, but thank God i could write them down...:)

My own interview begins with this question.

"Why do you want a man in your life?"

I want a man because i want to be a queen.

At first glance, a small talk and a get to know.

Then a small cup of coffee as we go in deeper.

Receiving gifts, his opening of doors, cute hello's,

Simple looks, compliments and security.

...I want to feel like a princess in this early times.

From physical attraction, to emotional attraction,

is the first stages of a bright friendship,

Then as spiritual attraction comes in,

That's when a real relationship begins.

...I want to see my prince beneath that shining armor.

Love is a choice, a commitment that is never played.

It is a sacred gift, that is meant to be protected and nurtured.

It is not based solely on gifts, feelings & words alone,

Wisdom and knowledge is needed after all. 

...I want my prince to give me a ring in complete sincerity.

A couple walking down the aisle is a dream come true,

Every woman's happily ever after to every storybook.

It is the time to close the book of sweet single-hood,

And the time to open a new book called marriage.

...I want to see my prince grow into a King.

He indeed is the head of my future family,

Time to let go of my own decisions, time to trust in him.

It's my time to bend down on my own perspectives,

and let his love and manhood flourish in God's hands.

...I want a man, because i want to be a queen.

My king indeed will mature in God's loving hands,

I am created to be on his side whatever may happen,

I wasn't made to rule, but to support and encourage,

I am creation's finishing touches, made in complete beauty.

Created to bring beauty and joy in a man's rugged life.

Just like in a wide clean green pasture,

Flowers that bloom gives it a more awe-ing experience.

Same as a man's life, a woman was made to complete him. 

Monday, January 5, 2009


There are things said to me,

told to be kept as a secret,

trusted to keep and never tell,

only God knows what i mean.

Confused, if i should tell

to those who are wiser than I am;

Or am I to keep such secret,

No other person should hear.

My mind full of questions,

left unanswered 'til the fall of night.

Kneeling on my knees,

praying to the God who hears.

Lost in thoughts as I sat,

Replaying the words i've let go,

Finding out that my words,

Where no help at all....

Asking God to forgive,

this judgmental heart of mine,

letting go of the pride i have.

Regret is in the heart.

The question still remains...

Must i keep silent or say something.

Unwise i could be,

How i pray that i could receive wisdom

right now, to this very moment.

I am lost. Words of mine i could not understand.

Must i still keep silent or must i speak out?

Wiser than I am, please help me to know,

The truth about my question, that is deeply lost...

Love on the pit stop

I am a woman, created to love a man.

People would usually ask me,

"Why don't you have a boyfriend?"

My answer varies, though concludes to one point,

One point into which the world barely understands.

This answer i would always point out,

"I want to become the best woman i could be...

Before i would finally meet 'him'..."

A confused face they'd always reply.

"Why don't you try? You're at the right age."

But they don't understand my point,

It's not about the age, but the maturity of the heart.

Age can never pass for maturity.

"Why don't you try dating? To know some guys."

They always think of the 'dating game'

But i don't want to be a busy bee,

that goes from one flower to another.

"I think you're just scared."

I'm just preserving my purity,

To give to the one, giving the best of me,

For I want my very first to be my last.

"Just get some experience."

And what? Fall for the devils trap?

No way man! I'm not into games,

Love is a serious thing, i consider as a sacred gift.

"You're Just paranoid, you're TOO careful, you're just weak."

Paranoid I am not, but weak I am,

but so what? At least I'm not the one in tears.

I know my limits, my weakness is my shield. 

"I can't wait for you that long, why can't it be now?"

If you can't wait for me for just several years

What more if we are together forever?

I am not some toy that could be easily exchanged.

"What if you find another guy better than I?"

Then be the best man you could ever be,

while i do the same, and if i choose someone else,

At least you became a better man.

"Can I wait for you?"

Easy to say, but hard to do.

Waiting is not an easy task,

but if you can do it, what more could i ask?:)

"What do you look for a guy?"

Sincerity is all i need,

Trust is a must in every promise,

but mostly a heart that puts God first before me.


My pit stop ends here, 

time to get back on track,

and leave these questions and thoughts behind,

moving forward and never looking back.

For i am still on the journey,

Of being the best woman i can be,

For the man who deserves my love,

For all eternity.



It's Holiday Season... and this is the oddest one i have ever had.

Is it because i was busy with the preparations?

Or is it something to do with 'growing up'?

It's only this Christmas into which i didn't have the right spirit to enjoy it.

There weren't any magical feeling nor a sweet breeze of Christmas...

I didn't have the same excitement to give presents,

Nor was I eager to wait for Christmas on Christmas Eve...

A lot has changed in me, and this is the worst i have seen.

Christmas is nothing but a normal Holiday for me,

That was once a thrilling, exciting, most awaited, magical season.

Does this really happen... When the word 'Busy' comes into anyone's life?

A month before i was actually a little bit excited for Christmas,

But as December came, everything changed...

I was stressed, in pressure, BUSY, doing so many orders, errands, etc.

I lost the real meaning of Christmas... I grew up, leaving its magic behind.

I think this is what they mean by, "Not hearing the Christmas bells"

I have grown up, did grown up stuff, became BUSY, I left Christmas...

I can't believe it, the most anticipated season, was just a working day for me.

Is this what growing up means? If it does, i don't want anything about it.


This Christmas was a different one, usually I'd long to open up my presents,

I'd long to eat Noche Buena with my family on Christmas Eve,

I'd look forward to hugging and kissing my family while saying "Merry Christmas!"

I'd get excited to not sleep at all and look at the sky and talk with God...

But No... I longed for something else... I longed for something unusual...

I longed for a companion... no its the not the right word... I longed for a lover.

I can't believe it, i actually said it... And i don't like how it sounds.

Christmas is about giving, loving, and sharing.

It was never meant to be the season for searching for the 'one'

Was my Christmas this lonely? that made me search for such a thing?

Maybe, maybe not... but i think i know the answer, i believe i was alone.

Alone? but my family was with me, my friends greeted me, i opened my gifts...

but then... something was missing... Oh now i see...

I forgot to give my gift to the one to whom we celebrate this season...

I forgot about Jesus.

I was selfish... "Hey go to our Christmas party!" " I can't... I'm busy..."

Busy... what a selfish word... what a lonely word... what a cold word...

I always thought being invited only means more gifts or just to be 'nice'.

but no... Being invited means, coming and being the gift yourself.

I lost the essence of Christmas... on my 18th year, i lost it's meaning...

Just because i was..BUSY... yeah.. Being Under Satan's Yolk it is...

Where's the kid inside of me? I grew up... but why did i leave it behind?

I hate this, i don't want this. I want the kid inside of me to STAY! and not leave...

I want to hear the magic of Christmas bells, the sweet breeze of Christmas,

The sweet aroma of sweet ham and Christmas cookies...

The excitement of giving and receiving gifts, the sharing, the laughter, the joy...

The time of the year, were every adult could show the kid inside of them...

I wonder...

Does a lot of people feel the same way I do, when they 'grew up' and became 'BUSY'?

Now i see what those Kiddy Christmas movies and stories tell...

They tell us to never lose the kid inside all of us...

I almost lost it... Good thing Jesus wasn't as selfish as i was....

Jesus helped me find the way back, to who I really was.

Life isn't just about Work and Money... it's about giving... it's about sharing...

Where was my Christmas wishes? When i was young I'd wish to visit orphanages...

But now? I'd wish for a cellphone, a CD player, a Book, a dress... etc etc...

Materialistic... is this what I gain, when i grow up?... 

I don't want to loose the kid inside of me...

I don't want the magic to be gone...

I don't want to exchange my 'Joy' to 'BUSY'...

I'm not growing up the right way, I have to put a stop to this.

I want to value Christmas, I want to give, share, and laugh...

I want to please God and the people around me, my family...

I want what's mine to be theirs... Give, Love, and Share.

I may have lost the true meaning of Christmas this time...

But i have learned a very valuable lesson before i step the border of growing up.

I've learned not to leave the kid inside of me... to keep the right spirit,

and to never ever be BUSY on this very valuable season...

I made a mistake... I'm not perfect and i will stand up with no regrets.

This Christmas indeed is still a magical one, even if I failed it...

Truly God's love cannot be measured... I have been selfish and yet He loved me.

He gave me the best gift this Christmas...

The gift of keeping the kid inside of me...:)


I wonder if a lot of adults out there lost it... most likely men...

I wonder if they feel as lonely as i did... do they know why?

I'm blessed to have the answers to these questions and feelings...

And well, I believe it's my turn to share this wisdom next Christmas...:)

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