Monday, January 5, 2009

Christmas

It's Holiday Season... and this is the oddest one i have ever had.


Is it because i was busy with the preparations?

Or is it something to do with 'growing up'?


It's only this Christmas into which i didn't have the right spirit to enjoy it.

There weren't any magical feeling nor a sweet breeze of Christmas...

I didn't have the same excitement to give presents,

Nor was I eager to wait for Christmas on Christmas Eve...


A lot has changed in me, and this is the worst i have seen.

Christmas is nothing but a normal Holiday for me,

That was once a thrilling, exciting, most awaited, magical season.

Does this really happen... When the word 'Busy' comes into anyone's life?


A month before i was actually a little bit excited for Christmas,

But as December came, everything changed...

I was stressed, in pressure, BUSY, doing so many orders, errands, etc.

I lost the real meaning of Christmas... I grew up, leaving its magic behind.


I think this is what they mean by, "Not hearing the Christmas bells"

I have grown up, did grown up stuff, became BUSY, I left Christmas...

I can't believe it, the most anticipated season, was just a working day for me.

Is this what growing up means? If it does, i don't want anything about it.



...



This Christmas was a different one, usually I'd long to open up my presents,

I'd long to eat Noche Buena with my family on Christmas Eve,

I'd look forward to hugging and kissing my family while saying "Merry Christmas!"

I'd get excited to not sleep at all and look at the sky and talk with God...


But No... I longed for something else... I longed for something unusual...

I longed for a companion... no its the not the right word... I longed for a lover.


I can't believe it, i actually said it... And i don't like how it sounds.

Christmas is about giving, loving, and sharing.

It was never meant to be the season for searching for the 'one'

Was my Christmas this lonely? that made me search for such a thing?


Maybe, maybe not... but i think i know the answer, i believe i was alone.

Alone? but my family was with me, my friends greeted me, i opened my gifts...

but then... something was missing... Oh now i see...

I forgot to give my gift to the one to whom we celebrate this season...


I forgot about Jesus.


I was selfish... "Hey go to our Christmas party!" " I can't... I'm busy..."

Busy... what a selfish word... what a lonely word... what a cold word...

I always thought being invited only means more gifts or just to be 'nice'.

but no... Being invited means, coming and being the gift yourself.


I lost the essence of Christmas... on my 18th year, i lost it's meaning...

Just because i was..BUSY... yeah.. Being Under Satan's Yolk it is...

Where's the kid inside of me? I grew up... but why did i leave it behind?

I hate this, i don't want this. I want the kid inside of me to STAY! and not leave...


I want to hear the magic of Christmas bells, the sweet breeze of Christmas,

The sweet aroma of sweet ham and Christmas cookies...

The excitement of giving and receiving gifts, the sharing, the laughter, the joy...

The time of the year, were every adult could show the kid inside of them...


I wonder...


Does a lot of people feel the same way I do, when they 'grew up' and became 'BUSY'?

Now i see what those Kiddy Christmas movies and stories tell...

They tell us to never lose the kid inside all of us...

I almost lost it... Good thing Jesus wasn't as selfish as i was....


Jesus helped me find the way back, to who I really was.

Life isn't just about Work and Money... it's about giving... it's about sharing...

Where was my Christmas wishes? When i was young I'd wish to visit orphanages...

But now? I'd wish for a cellphone, a CD player, a Book, a dress... etc etc...


Materialistic... is this what I gain, when i grow up?... 

I don't want to loose the kid inside of me...

I don't want the magic to be gone...

I don't want to exchange my 'Joy' to 'BUSY'...


I'm not growing up the right way, I have to put a stop to this.

I want to value Christmas, I want to give, share, and laugh...

I want to please God and the people around me, my family...

I want what's mine to be theirs... Give, Love, and Share.


I may have lost the true meaning of Christmas this time...

But i have learned a very valuable lesson before i step the border of growing up.

I've learned not to leave the kid inside of me... to keep the right spirit,

and to never ever be BUSY on this very valuable season...


I made a mistake... I'm not perfect and i will stand up with no regrets.

This Christmas indeed is still a magical one, even if I failed it...

Truly God's love cannot be measured... I have been selfish and yet He loved me.

He gave me the best gift this Christmas...


The gift of keeping the kid inside of me...:)


PS


I wonder if a lot of adults out there lost it... most likely men...

I wonder if they feel as lonely as i did... do they know why?

I'm blessed to have the answers to these questions and feelings...

And well, I believe it's my turn to share this wisdom next Christmas...:)

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