Boys?

Right now, i don't want any guys to interfere in my dreams, i don't want anyone to court me, nor even express their feelings to me! o.o

I want to focus on God's calling for me, i don't want to lose my momentum, i don't want to find my worth in man's eyes but in God's. I have so much to learn, and i want to learn it with God alone. No man is accepted in my heart for now, it is not yet my time and i don't want to fall into any temptation.

I know there are times that i do want to have a special someone, but i always end up fighting against it coz its not yet my time..

Right now, i do have my eyes on someone, but i cannot imagine myself to be with him for a lifetime...:) i guess its a woman's nature to like the opposite gender indefinitely until the time she gets married. 

This guy i've known since the day i transferred here in davao, and had been a huge help to me and an awesome friend. :) He did become my school mate and org. mate...:D till now, he's my crush, but it won't go any further. I want to stay liking him, coz i know its safe, for he likes someone else..:D it'll keep me single and not focused on him nor to any relationships.

Boys? I like them, i can't live without having someone, but for now, it's just not the time, coz if he'll enter my life now, surely my dreams will be crushed into pieces.

Nakatsu

Recently I became a fan of Ikuta Toma because of his character Nakatsu in the series Hana Kimi. Here's a photo of him:

I really love how he portrayed his character here. To tell you honestly, when i like an actor, i really LIKE them to the maximum level... but somehow, this time it was different. It all began when i realized ALL my friends is a huge fan of him too.

For some odd reason, it passed through my mind, "Ikuta Toma is famous around a lot of girls... if the girls who like or dream of being with him, will ever reach him... what would happen?" What if there was this girl who flew all the way to Japan just to meet or give a homemade gift to Ikuta Toma on a concert for just a day and to just know that she is also surrounded by huge fans of him as well? Will Ikuta Toma know her in any way? Of course not. He won't even know that she flew all the way just to meet him, what she went through, all the money she saved up, all the effort on that gift. Will Ikuta Toma be able to even appreciate or say "Thanks"?

No. Ofcourse not.

Then why in the world would a girl even do this? Well... I would do it. But at some point, i believe it is useless. And if for some miracleously way we do get to know each other, would i accept him for who he is? Or would i see him as only an ideal?

I can't imagine. I wonder how he'd feel. How he would find his perfect one. Maybe an old friend? or a close friend?... But how about the new friends? What if he falls for a new friend, and somehow that new friend only sees him as an ideal?... It's really sad...

Being famous as an actor/actress isn't as amazing as i thought it could be. It's not as happy as i thought it could be. It's actually different, challenging, and tough.

I wonder where Ikuta Toma is right now. I wonder how he's facing his life. I wonder if he's lonely or he's having a great time. I wonder... who he really is, coz i could only see his mask, his outer core, for i only know him by face and by the character he portrays.

Being a fan, being able to see him face to face would be a dream come true, if i see and get to say something to him, i'd say, or rather ask..."How's your life? Do you ever get to talk about it with someone?"

I just really wonder... and if ever I could send a 'love' letter to Ikuta Toma, this is what i'd say:

Hey Nakatsu!,

Ikuta Toma, the best character you portrayed so far is Nakatsu. He is so
full of life and he's so honest. I wonder, if you're like that. For
i have fallen with that character you portrayed; is that your outer
shell only? or is that a part of it the real you? Coz if it is, i believe i
have fallen for you.

It must've been tough on you, looking for the girl to live with all your
life. Will you be like the other actors? Who'd marry a lot of women just because
they couldn't find the 'one' for them? Or would you be different and prove that
your a man who'd marry only one woman?

Though in your stand, i couldn't explain the difficulty, coz i have never
been on where you're standing. Being an actor infront of the camera,
and living in reality behind the camera. Must've been tough but amazingly
exciting as well... ^_^

Someday I might feel the way you felt by standing on your stand, but i do
believe at that time you'd find your special one or you'd be way gone away from
my thoughts; but one thing i would never forget about being a fan of yours... Is
loving someone not as an "ideal" but as who he is.

Thanks, You've just touched my life and have been a blessing to
me...^_^ You've taught me a very valuable lesson ^_~

Shiriel

Odd it may seem; but hey, i want to express how i am feeling right now...:) I do hope someday, i'd find my 'Nakatsu' ... no wait... wrong... i do hope that someday, i'd find my "one" ^_^

Men. period.

I hate to admit it, but yeah i think i'm beginning to be boy crazy again. Then i wondered why. It's because i've been lazy recently.

Being lazy makes my brain lazy as well, leading to endless thinking and endless slouching. Leading me to think about nonsense things like boys! ~_~

I'm not saying boys are nonsense, but thinking about them endlessly IS nonsense...just imagine a guy that only thinks about girls.

I came to a conclusion to stick to only one guy for now. I'm sticking to a brother of a friend of mine who lives in another country. That way, feelings won't develop and longing of the other gender won't increase..:D

I mean that's what i did with Kyle, I liked him up until yesterday and that paved a way for me to be single for almost 6 years... :D cool huh? So yeah i'm sticking to this guy and it'll end my boy crazy and let me focus on God.

I want God to be the center of my heart. Not boys... :) I can't do this alone i know, but I can do this with God!:D *w00t*