First Love

I've liked a guy for six years. He was cool and all that, but he was just a friend. I even wondered why I liked him so much all these years, when I don't even know him that well. I guess this is what you call a "crush" just seeing the mere outside and liking it at that point only. I realized lately that this guy I've liked since I was in grade school, was already gone from my heart, my standards went higher as time passed.

Now I see why it is so easy for me to like someone now, how vulnerable my heart really is; coz right now it's kind of empty and it's not that loyal to any human being at all. Anybody could pass by my heart but it takes some more will for someone to open its door. At times I do feel lonely, I feel like I want to talk to someone, go eat with someone, have lunch with someone. I tried it with my closest friends, but still the longing was there. It was different.

I guess this really happens when my brain is inactive. What i mean is, I am not doing anything productive much. I hope soon this loneliness would fade, coz I know it's just a gush of the wind in my life. It won't stay forever for my life goes on to an adventure. I have God and that's what's keeping me from doing the greatest mistake of my life; To be in a relationship with the most selfish reasons.

I know someone is there for me. He's still in an adventure with God like me. I know for sure that I haven't met him yet. I don't know, but I've had dreams that i think gave out signs. I am just so happy that finally, i got to move on. Finally i grew up and realized that the guy i liked for six years is really just a friend to me, he is just like a brother. Yes, we do still talk, but then the awkwardness is gone and i love it.

Wow, so this is how it feels to not like someone at all. I have crushes, but it's a part of being a human, as humans we get attracted to the opposite gender almost everyday! That's how beautiful God's Creation is. :) My heart doesn't like anyone right now, no one is inside but my first love. Actually my first love would never ever leave my heart that's for sure.

I am so happy that my heart is so free now, it feels so different. I see people on a different perspective. I am loving life. Though i know that i must protect my heart for sure, coz there would be people who'd pass by my heart and try to knock its door by force. I am just so happy my first love is guarding my heart.

Who's my first love? Of course, the Artist who created me :)

Boys?

Right now, i don't want any guys to interfere in my dreams, i don't want anyone to court me, nor even express their feelings to me! o.o

I want to focus on God's calling for me, i don't want to lose my momentum, i don't want to find my worth in man's eyes but in God's. I have so much to learn, and i want to learn it with God alone. No man is accepted in my heart for now, it is not yet my time and i don't want to fall into any temptation.

I know there are times that i do want to have a special someone, but i always end up fighting against it coz its not yet my time..

Right now, i do have my eyes on someone, but i cannot imagine myself to be with him for a lifetime...:) i guess its a woman's nature to like the opposite gender indefinitely until the time she gets married. 

This guy i've known since the day i transferred here in davao, and had been a huge help to me and an awesome friend. :) He did become my school mate and org. mate...:D till now, he's my crush, but it won't go any further. I want to stay liking him, coz i know its safe, for he likes someone else..:D it'll keep me single and not focused on him nor to any relationships.

Boys? I like them, i can't live without having someone, but for now, it's just not the time, coz if he'll enter my life now, surely my dreams will be crushed into pieces.