Calling

I am born at a perfect time.

Breathed life for a reason.

Stepped out for a purpose.

Living for a calling.

I know I am meant for something,

Something that i can't comprehend.

Something I can't clearly see,

But faithfully can hold onto.

I am called for something great.

Even greater than living itself.

I wasn't born to just survive.

I was called to do something great.

But as i grew up,

The world blinded my vision.

Slowly i forgot that i was called.

Began to live life just to survive.

Living just to survive is just empty.

It's living in void and confusion.

Having no sense of worth,

Having nothing to foresee.

Living life in that way,

Is simply as good as dying already.

Life is nothing but a dead end.

Nothing to see, nothing to do.

Meaningless.

Perfect definition of life survival.

So why live for no reason?

It's better to end it now than suffer.

Just when I was about to give up,

To leave this evil world behind,

A tiny spark of a loving memory,

Enlightened my once dead vision.

The One who called me,

Showed Himself in pure love.

Gave me a hand and lifted me up.

And gave me smile of hope.

He said,

"Don't give up just yet."

"You live for a calling.."

"I am with you, You will not fail."

I am indeed called.

Called for a reason, a purpose.

Called to love & live for Him alone,

And that is my highest calling. :)

Behind the Poise

She drops her purse,

Picks it up in great poise,

Smiles to the people around,

Walks like a princess on a street.

She is always seen to be polite,

Demure and gentle in every way.

Speaks with great gracefulness,

That no men could not resist.

She is very pure and serene,

For this she is found to be weak,

Found to be fragile deep within,

Seen as if she could break anytime.

But not everyone can see,

What is really deep inside of her,

Beneath her smooth and frail front,

She is hiding something big.

She is a warrior deep within,

No matter how demure she can be,

No matter how fragile she can look,

No matter how unbelievable it can be.

She is a warrior in the heart,

No other can take that off of her,

She is stronger than she thinks,

That soceity can't always accept.

She is a warrior in disguise,

That no man could really understand.

A princess and a warrior in one,

That God created in perfect deisgn.

A princess that takes his breath away,

A warrior that keeps him secured.

A princess and a warrior by heart,

That can be seen in every woman around.

In every princess is a warrior inside,

Who fights with great courage,

Paired up with great beauty and faith,

That no other could really defeat.

A princess and a warrior in one,

That's how God created us,

Women in the making,

That is sure taking breaths away.

Notebook in Pink Ink

Prayers i wrote down,

On a simple notebook on my bed,

written in pink colored ink,

Simple yet covered with faith.

I wrote as if i was talking to God,

Wrote with joy and expectation,

With faith and excitement,

with love and fulfillment.

Never cared what the world would think,

it's written on my simple notebook,

that only my loving God could see,

a place where i could commune with Him.

I love my notebook in pink ink,

Coz there i could read my answered prayers,

Prayers written in faith, covered with love,

written in letters, embedded in the heart.

God answered every thing i wrote,

Answered not in years, but in days,

No, not even days, but hours.

God answers in love and perfect timing. 

I can see the greatness of God,

on my notebook in pink ink,

I saw His care and great love,

in the little details of my life.

God is real,

I can prove it for sure,

with my notebook in pink ink,

surely you'll be amazed.

Though i don't need to prove a thing,

coz it can happen in your life as well,

just have the child like faith,

forget about the world and focus on Him.

Try jolting down your thoughts,

maybe in blue black or green ink,

it doesn't really matter at all ,

as long as you have the faith.

I appreciate it, but no.

A poem for someone who confessed to me lately...>_<

A friend i met in a short while,

Confessions of feelings you let go.

I appreciate it much, i really do.

but I'm sorry I don't feel the same way.

Everything went just so fast,

I enjoyed the blooming of our friendship;

But because of such a thing you did,

the blooming somewhat came to a pause.

You're a great man, inspired me deep inside,

You're passion for music is just so grand.

Please focus on the talent God has given you,

For surely i know God will use you mightily.

Please, from the bottom of my heart,

set your eyes on the path God has given you,

A destiny only you can finish,

A responsibility meant to be handled.

Let's just be friends for now,

Friends without any expectations,

Pure and holy in the eyes of God,

that He may bless our friendship greatly.

Right now studying I am in love with,

Being single is what i yearn as of now,

No commitments, no disturbances,

My eyes and heart is looking straight into God's plan.

At times, I admit, I long for a companion,

but its those times into which I choose,

Choose to focus on becoming a better woman,

For the prince that is unknown to me for now.

Please, I pray, do the same,

Be the best man you can be,

for the future princess you want to attain.

I know you can do it, believe it so.

For now, I may look like the princess you long,

but know me first for we will never know.

Feelings are fast to develop,

but wisdom is a must to be learned.

Think, pray about it,

you might be making a wrong choice,

choose beyond your feelings,

Learn and open you heart.

You're a great man i admit,

but you can become the best.

Hold unto God's hands first,

let me go and you'll see what i mean.

Catching up.

I was reading a children's book about meditation, and a poem struck my heart...

The work that God assigned to us,

unimportant as it seems,

that makes our task outstanding

and brings reality to dreams.

So do not sit and idly wish

for wider, new dimensions

where you can put in practice

your many good intentions.

But at the spot God placed you

begin at once to do

the little things to brighten up

the lives surrounding you.

I've been so busy about my passion and heart for the youth of Japan, that i completely forgot of the youth around. Also busy about my emotions towards men. I realized that it is a choice to think about such things or not.

It's time to just stop thinking and to just do it. I have been confused for a long time now when faith is the only thing that could erase confusion, and also taking the risk of committing mistakes. I have lived the way I want recently and i want to live the way God does...

About the guy, i know someday i'll meet the perfect one for me..:) it's not the time to focus about it, all i need to focus on right now is my faith.

It's time to pick up the pace and catch up with the race that God has set before me... ^__^

Prayer...

"Lord, I know you're there..."

These are the first words that i would usually utter when i need God... When i am at a situation that i need someone to save me, when i'm in a situation where i just want to disppear or be invinsible...

Lately i had emotional attacks... I was having dilemmas concerning friendship and family. I was actually in the verge of breaking down. I wanted to disappear and just be invinsible. I actually did it awhile go while i was in church. I wasn't really minding people that much and i didn't talk to my churchmates. I was pretending to be "invinsible."

I was really thinking deeply what's wrong with me, i realized that its because of my emotions... I miss my friends so much from manila and i just wanted my old life back. I needed my friends whom i had been with since i was born. My childhood friends who knows me inside and out... I deeply was in need of them. I was actually questioning God already...

"If you have a purpose for me here, why do still make me miss them?"

"Why did i have to go on my last year of highschool?!"

"I can't take this anymore, why are you making me feel this way?..."

"Is this part of your Will that i suffer emotionally?"

"I thought you'll help me, why can't i let go until now?!"

Questions such as these was haunting my mind recently... and well today was the day i was about to breakdown. Break down as in going back to my 'rebellious' self... but then... God didn't let that happen. He reminded me of one of my devotions with Him that i was supposed to watch the movie "Prince of Egypt" an animation based in the life of Moses. My devotion at theat time was about great faith...

So i watched despite my arrogant prideful attitude.

As i watched the movie, one situation that really struck me was, when Moses had to follow God and turn away from Ramses, his brother, the Pharaoh.

When i watched that scene before, i'd always be in tears inside my heart. Moses had that palace as a home before, he was with his brother he was playing with Ramses all his life. They both got into trouble, they had tears and smiles at that place. Moses was taken care of in that place with great love, he was the Prince of Egypt. Moses and Ramses would have fun on the rooms of that palace, or even play hide and seek in that place, they all ate together in that palace... What I'm trying to say is... Moses grew up in that palace, his memories with Ramses was carved in his heart and then in the end, he had to turn away from Ramses. He had to turn away from that 'home' that he once had...no... he didn't turn away, he destroyed it.

When Ramses' son died, he let Moses and his people go; and the scene that really struck me was... When Moses fell on the floor of that palace. He fell on his knees, crying his heart out.

I could imagine the pain he was going through at that time. Remembering all the memories all the tears and laughter, all the love... He was going through such pain. It was against his emotions to do those things to Ramses, his brother...his bestfriend, but he chose to follow the Will of God rather than ease his emotions.

He chose to follow God and bring restoration and healing to his people, and for the coming generations. He chose to follow God rather than follow his emotions. He let go of one important person in his life and it brought joy to millions of people. He chose not to be dictated by his emotions but rather placed his full faith in God even if it brought him great pain and suffering.

But in the end, despite the great pain and suffering he received, God blessed his entire life and his people. It was a short pain that gave him an ever lasting joy.

I can relate to Moses in such a way. I left manila, i left my friends, i left my dreams there, i left a part of me in there. And just like Moses when i transffered here in Davao, I am a new person, at first people didn't like or didn't know me, but now i have a lot of friends here. They may not be as deep as i had in manila, but then again, God brought me here and i do believe He has a great purpose for me...

Even if i am suffering deep inside, even if i have so much pain in my heart, all i could hold onto now is His promise to me. "That He has a great purpose for my life"....

I've been praying for God to release my heart from my friends in Manila. I was wondering why He wasn't answering my prayer, but i remembered that the Hebrews were praying for their freedom for YEARS and i mean years. Hope was taken away from their hearts, and yet, God didn't forget them, Moses had a purpose.

"Pharaoh can take your shelter, your food, He can even take your children, your freedom, and in a snap he could take your very life... but one thing he cannot take away from you, is your faith."

Its not the exact words, but this phrase that Moses said, really spoke into my heart. Right now my Pharaoh is my emotions... my circumstance, my problems. I have no idea how to fix them! and honestly, its hopeless for me. I want to give up, i want to run away, but there is no way out. All i have right now with me, is my faith. My faith, my prayers....

God hasn't answered my prayers concerning of my letting go of my friends, but i do know that he hears me. I mean i've been praying for my unbeliever friends! and slowly they are accepting Christ in their hearts one by one...

Just now, i thought, if i was manila would i be able to share the gospel to these people? Whom God loves so much?... would i even be able to open my mouth to evangelize for God?! I don't think so... Now i could really see that God has a purpose for me in this place after all.

I have the power to go back to manila and be with my friends there and live the way I want to live and be released from this pain, but i'd rather be like Moses and put my emotions behind me and look at the greater purpose God has given me.

It hurts, it is still making me suffer, i don't know if i'll ever get over this, but one thing i am sure of, my faith is in God and He will NEVER let me down...^_^