Friday, September 12, 2008

Inspired. Now What?


I know you're there... Finally, over months of waiting, i finally felt your presence today. I can't explain the happiness i felt. I just know you were there in that workshop... I cried the whole time the singer was talking! Haha.... I just missed your presence...

Lately i thought i was forgotten by you. I thought i failed you, i disappointed you. So, i turned away from you... i thought i wasn't anointed no more, i thought i was worthless, i thought i was of no use in your kingdom no more... but i was wrong...

You're there, waiting for me... telling me those little three words again, "I miss you". God, i heard that a lot of times from you... i have no idea why in the world i am not responding!... i feel very sad about it.

My heart truly is for the youth isn't it?... Heh, when i was those video clips of teens just praying, singing, closing their eyes, i could feel your love flow through me. I just know you made me for them. I was inspired, i was touched... but now... now what?

I'm saddend by the thought that when i got home, its as if everything went back to reality. My inspiration faded, i'm back to being my old boring self. I don't want that, i want something better than yesterday.

Who's in my throne right now? I want it to be you, yet people's thoughts about me is sitting on my throne. I'm so conscious about myself, how people would think of me, how i would present it correctly, i am so focused on not failing, that in the end i am failing not in the eyes of men, but in your eyes.

Fear of men ruled over fear of God. Oh God, please help me. I have no idea how to overcome this. I need you to clean my thoughts, to erase every confusion written in every corner of my thoughts. i need you, i miss you, i want to love you.

I know you're real, i know you're there, i know i want to be with you, but please fill this empty cup i have right now and kick the one sitting on my throne right now. Please, sit on my throne, for it was made and only belongs to you alone.

I'm ready. Storms will come in my life i know, please protect me, i need you. Always let me look forward to the rainbow after the storm...

I'm sorry for my rebellious attitude, my ignorance, my pride, my selfishness. I really am. I'm so sorry.... and thank you, thank you for saving me again... for saving me, every single day of my life... thank you..

In Jesus name i pray, Amen...:)


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