Friday, October 31, 2008

Broken Pieces

It's really funny how i could learn from a 4 yr old nephew.

I had this belt design that got broken, it was a little thin flat copper ring. He was playing with it, then he gave it to me and i asked him if he still needs it... He said no, so i broke it into two, coz it was broken anyways.

Then his eyes widened and said to "Oh no! it's broken..." Then i said it was already broken... then it was funny that he ignored what i said and he said, "Sticky tape!" and he was so focused on trying to put it together...

Right now he's actually putting scotch tape on the broken ring. He's really busy and dedicated to fix it. He actually covered it with scotch tape! it's actually so cute! he said, "Yahay! it's fixed already..." with a huge smile on his face.

Why do i find it so inspiring?

His innocence, is what I need as a Christian. Being an adult, i usually think, 'Broken things should be in the trash' but my nephew being a kid thinks, 'It still can be fixed with sticky tape!'.

Its as if i said, "Broken people, with broken pasts should be left alone.", and its as if my nephew said, "Broken people, with broken lives should never be left alone, and should be fixed with great love."

I believed that copper ring had no hope of getting fixed, but my nephew thought the impossible... He fixed the unfixable, well not completely fixed, but he did what he could, while i was being too realistic.

Broken people, with broken lives, with nasty attitudes really is hard to talk to or to deal with, but God never sent His people, like me, to love just the lovable. As my devotion this morning, it said that if I love the lovable, anyone could do it. God sent His people to do the impossible.

My nephew taught me a huge lesson. It can always still be fixed if we put our mind to it, it's not really about how the outcome would be, but its really about obeying God and trusting Him, it's about trying what I can and letting God do the finishing touches.

As my nephew said, "Sticky Tape!"

As a Christian I should say, "God is with me!"

Tuesday, October 28, 2008


Right now, i don't want any guys to interfere in my dreams, i don't want anyone to court me, nor even express their feelings to me! o.o

I want to focus on God's calling for me, i don't want to lose my momentum, i don't want to find my worth in man's eyes but in God's. I have so much to learn, and i want to learn it with God alone. No man is accepted in my heart for now, it is not yet my time and i don't want to fall into any temptation.

I know there are times that i do want to have a special someone, but i always end up fighting against it coz its not yet my time..

Right now, i do have my eyes on someone, but i cannot imagine myself to be with him for a lifetime...:) i guess its a woman's nature to like the opposite gender indefinitely until the time she gets married. 

This guy i've known since the day i transferred here in davao, and had been a huge help to me and an awesome friend. :) He did become my school mate and org. mate...:D till now, he's my crush, but it won't go any further. I want to stay liking him, coz i know its safe, for he likes someone else..:D it'll keep me single and not focused on him nor to any relationships.

Boys? I like them, i can't live without having someone, but for now, it's just not the time, coz if he'll enter my life now, surely my dreams will be crushed into pieces.

18th Birthday

When i was 13 and 16 i always had the huge gut that when i turn 18 something amazing will happen. I actually thought it was about my Manga, that finally i'd be able to publish it on my 18th birthday (it's was my dream). 

But then the amazing thing i thought would happened turned out to be a life changing experience.
Late las year, i stumbled upon YWAM, a missionary school, eventually they had a college there where the course i wanted was present. So without any hesitations, i quit my dream school in my country and left my social life there. 

Six months... (my first subject for my course) that was the best part of my life. I was able to learn so much about God and i was able to go to Hong kong and Vietnam, i was able to go to another country, that was just a dream before. After i graduated on my first subject, so many things happened, my debut, my 18th birthday, last May 2, happened. 

It got me to thinking, i did not reach MY dream to publish my manga on my debut, but GOD's dream went in, and i tell ya, it's the dream i can't even imagine myself. This year so many things happened. My 18th year wasn't the way i wanted it to be, it was FAR more better than what i planned it to be. Until today, so many things are changing, surely, i am becoming a better woman for God. 

My 18th year hasn't ended, and i'm so excited of what's ahead even if i can't see it myself. everything was on God's perfect timing, and surely His Ways are much more better than mine. :)

My life made a HUGE turn on my 18th year, God never forgot me, God never gave up on me. His love and grace is unexplainable, that i won't even bother to explain, for it'll take a lifetime for me to explain it...:D

My 18th year is the BEST year of my life, a memorable and faith deepening life.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Left or the Right?

This is one of those days into which i want to rewind my whole day and listen to God in the first place.

Everything went wrong, wrong choices, wrong priorities, wrong pride. Wrong motive, wrong perspective. 

God, i don't know what exactly happened to me, but now i realized that I am unconsciously running away from my responsibilities. Now that i am aware of it, can i do it God? Can i work this through? I am such a perfectionist... I want to quit it, i want to enjoy life as you have given me, i want to spend time with You, to know You...

I want to be part of the youth, but i am running away... Help me to stop my feet from this pace i am in... YOu're talking to me right now.. so  many things you're revealing to me... You're grace Lord, is more than enough, i can't explain how BIG your love and patience is for me.. Please God, help me not to give up... to be unselfish... please... i need your help, hear my cry, help me see you when i make choices... please...

Thursday, October 2, 2008


So many things have happened recently. I went through a lot of confusion and illusions. Until now. It's still the same actually, but i won't give up on life. I recently realized that music, makes me alive, and inspires me to have hope and faith.

Cross overs i had recently I've been bad, I've been good; but i was mostly bad. Only now did i realize that it's because I am so focused on the negative side of MY life... coz with other people? I could always see the positive, but for myself? I can only see the black dot on a pure white handkerchief. I've been trying to search who i was, when I was being myself all along. I was just too preoccupied of MY life that i forgot others! I know what I just said was contradicting haha..:D but that's what i mean, i've been living in two roads. I am luke warm. I'm neither cold nor hot... But i want to be hot in the kingdom of God.

Amazingly, God hasn't gave up on me yet, and that gave me the courage to fight, to live and not run away. The enemy has been bugging me A LOT for the past few months, he's taking advantage of the fact that my mind is idle. Actually... Just now, i realized that i have been so focused on how to look good on other people's eyes... that i lost who i really am! GAH! i was so self conscious that i totally forgot about who Shiriel is! but fear not, i shall fight!~:D

Now I can't really see or know why I am at this stage of my life. I feel so lost, so confused, i feel like I'm being cut into two. Honestly speaking, I've been selfish recently, but i wont stop there, i will stand on my knees once again and fight this nightmare i am in right now. 

Obviously I cannot do it alone, I know i'm not alone, but i am too lazy and too confused to see where God is working in my life. It's like there's a thick cloud in my face, but honestly speaking? I lack consistency. It's pretty weird and odd, that i know what's wrong with me, but i have no idea or i am too lazy to act how to get rid of it. I need someone to lean on, I need a friend until now.

Nearly 5 months ago, i had so much friends, my relationship with God was AMAZING, but now... it's as if i am in a plain desert, not alone though, lost and insensitive. I am at a barren stage of my life. I know my soul longs for God, but there's a crust that keeps that feeling from being answered or reached out. I know God is with me, I know He's cheering me on. I know He's there. I know He won't leave me. I know that even if i gave up, He won't give up. I know He has a reason. I know He's sad and hurting as I am right now.


This piece, has been my inspiration lately i heard it once in an anime that inspired me. I thought it was the anime that inspired me, but i realized that it was this piece that actually inspired me through the deepest core of my heart. There's just something with this piece that makes me appreciate God's amazing Creation, it reminds me of all the greens and colorful flowers of a blissful meadow, the blue skies and the soft fluffy clouds that bring beauty in that wide sky. It reminds me of a beautiful day at the beach, quiet and free.

This piece is my inspiration, i know i've had inspirations before that never worked out for me in the end, for the reason that i want it to be my FOREVER inspiration, but i realized that Life equals change. Change is constant and it will never fade. 

This inspiration may not last as well as the others, but i will keep it with me and stop looking at the future ahead of me, but i will begin looking at what i have right now, what is under my nose, and what i can use on what i have.

I've been a perfectionist, and nothing is perfect, i must admit it, until it is stamped on my brain. Pachelbel's Canon is my inspiration right now. I won't worry about how long it'll be, i'll just enjoy the best of it until the day i'll find a new inspiration..:D

Dear God,

My Father in Heaven, You music is such a wonderful creation, no words could express how wonderful this creation of yours is. Such mystery is in each sound, tone, and note. You made music to be enjoyed, to be loved and to inspire. I want to play Canon in my violin. I know i don't have enough skills to play it, but surely i know if i play it for you, your music will come out of my instrument. I want to play it with passion and love and amazement. I want to play it for the sad and burdened people, for i want to show them the beauty of your grace and vast, unfailing love...:) I am so sorry if i have done so many wrong things that has hurted you, please forgive me, and thank you for the cross, I am in debt of you Jesus, please use me as you Father wants to use me. I pray for the deep hurt teens out there, that i will find a way to help them, but first, Oh God, Father, please show me the beauty and the magic of your Word, that i may not find it boring but rather see it as my treasure..:) I love you so much, and if i have sins that i am not aware of, please forgive me, I want to tell you how much i love you with a sincere heart, I may not see you, but i know you're there, for my days are always filled with miracles...:) I can do this Father! but i can never do it, without You. You are my strength, my shield, my fortress...:) I hold onto your promise that you will never leave me nor forsake me, and you have a bright future for me..:)

Your ever longing daughter,

design by