Friday, September 12, 2008

My Song

Everyday of my life, you were always there,

I got to ignore the little miracles
I even forgot your salvation,
that saves me everyday.

I can't believe i've lost my way,
my way of loving you, dear Lord,
I can't believe i've dropped my faith,
and held on something else.

Dear Lord oh please forgive me,
i've turned my back on you.
but i still can't explain your grace,
that saved me from this pain.

I can't believe you love me so,
despite my selfish heart Oh God,
I can't believe you still protect me,
Even if i turned my back on you.

Dear Lord oh please forgive me,
i've turned my back on you.
But i still can't explain your grace,
that saved me from this pain.

You are great oh God, majestic
i want to praise you with my song,
A song that is never ending Oh Father,
I just long for you.

Dear Lord oh please hear my prayer,
Thank you for loving me till the end,
I give my entire life to you,
Please use me as you please...:)

Inspired. Now What?


I know you're there... Finally, over months of waiting, i finally felt your presence today. I can't explain the happiness i felt. I just know you were there in that workshop... I cried the whole time the singer was talking! Haha.... I just missed your presence...

Lately i thought i was forgotten by you. I thought i failed you, i disappointed you. So, i turned away from you... i thought i wasn't anointed no more, i thought i was worthless, i thought i was of no use in your kingdom no more... but i was wrong...

You're there, waiting for me... telling me those little three words again, "I miss you". God, i heard that a lot of times from you... i have no idea why in the world i am not responding!... i feel very sad about it.

My heart truly is for the youth isn't it?... Heh, when i was those video clips of teens just praying, singing, closing their eyes, i could feel your love flow through me. I just know you made me for them. I was inspired, i was touched... but now... now what?

I'm saddend by the thought that when i got home, its as if everything went back to reality. My inspiration faded, i'm back to being my old boring self. I don't want that, i want something better than yesterday.

Who's in my throne right now? I want it to be you, yet people's thoughts about me is sitting on my throne. I'm so conscious about myself, how people would think of me, how i would present it correctly, i am so focused on not failing, that in the end i am failing not in the eyes of men, but in your eyes.

Fear of men ruled over fear of God. Oh God, please help me. I have no idea how to overcome this. I need you to clean my thoughts, to erase every confusion written in every corner of my thoughts. i need you, i miss you, i want to love you.

I know you're real, i know you're there, i know i want to be with you, but please fill this empty cup i have right now and kick the one sitting on my throne right now. Please, sit on my throne, for it was made and only belongs to you alone.

I'm ready. Storms will come in my life i know, please protect me, i need you. Always let me look forward to the rainbow after the storm...

I'm sorry for my rebellious attitude, my ignorance, my pride, my selfishness. I really am. I'm so sorry.... and thank you, thank you for saving me again... for saving me, every single day of my life... thank you..

In Jesus name i pray, Amen...:)

Wednesday, September 10, 2008


I have a very high standards, especially towards choosing the right man. I was actually very focused on the physical appearance, because i am an artistic person.

I like a guy who is thin, tall, has a bushy hair, a foreigner, musician or artist, older than me, wears a silver cross necklace, has glasses, looks like an anime, quiet, deep, mysterious, and has a cute smile.

I have more if you ask me. It's very very physical, but then as i asked myself, "Am i looking for a model or a lover?" So i thought about it, i thought of the inner qualities i'd like from a guy.

First of all of course he must be a believer, and next, he must be sincere....


That's it... He has to be sincere...


I realized a lot of guys had promised to me when i was younger, that they'd wait for me until i turn eighteen(that was the time i would accept courtship). I trusted them, in the end they all failed me. 

Some of them had a girlfriend and told me, "I'm still waiting for you, this girl is only for the meantime." The heck?! What are those other girls then? TOYS? or do they think i'm dumb enough not to think that they're playing with me? Hahayz.

Some said they'd really wait, in the end they said we're good enough as best friends... If only they really waited... If only they were sincere with their promises... I just know i'd say 'yes' to them. But no, no one was patient enough to wait for me...

They told me its hard to wait for me. What did they think? that it was easy for me? They were only thinking about themselves... Is that love?

No one dared, nor kept single for me. All, every single guy, who said 'loves' me, never waited. They gave up so easily... I thought of those guys... and if only one of them was sincere enough, i'd turn down the others easily... 

But no, no one waited. I've kept myself pure all this years. I never had a boyfriend even if the world insists that i did have. They just don't understand, maybe they can't accept the fact that there are still women out there who treasures purity even in the smallest ways such as holding hands and saying those three little words....

I am crazy about guys, for i am a very emotional girl, i can't live forever without a man by my side, i know i need one; but now, i'll stop looking and start enjoying. Enjoy singlehood...

There is so much in this world that i can do as a woman, that i cannot do when i become a wife. I'm eighteen, i'm young, and i'm single and proud of it.

A salesman actually asked me awhile ago,

"Why aren't you with your boyfriend?"
I was like, "I don't want to."
then he asked, "How many boyfriends do you have?"
I answered, "None at all"
He said," A cute girl like you, no boyfriend? you've got to be kidding. I don't believe you."

What's so hard about accepting the fact that i don't have a boyfriend? or is it one way of men flirting? Dude... i gotta learn more about how men think before i meet the one for me! :P

Its time i put an end to this searching and begin molding myself, to be the best woman i can be for my prince who'll surely come at the right time...:)

A Bad Day?... Think Again.

Two days ago i came home from Manila. I had a great week there with my brother, relatives, and friends. Everything went well, nothing wrong happened within that week, until the day i was on my way home.

Bad Day?...

-When i woke up, i was alone in my brother's house, for he went to work early.( I hate being alone)
-When i ate breakfast I looked at my (borrowed) luggage and saw that some mice ate the zipper line;
-Worst, I pulled it too hard that the zipper slipped away from the zipper line, making the luggage unclose-able.
-I asked some of my uncles next door, to fix it; In the end they can't fully fix it.
-Lunch time came, and there wasn't any gas for cooking rice, no salt nor cooking oil. 
-When my brother picked me up to go to the airport, i forgot something from his house so i had run and go back and get it.
-When i arrived at the airport, i had a 6 kilo excess baggage that cost me six hundred pesos!
-While i was waiting for the plane, i bought some donuts and apparently the donuts i wanted was taken from the girl who was supposed to be next in line. (I was supposed to be first)
-My plane was 50mins delayed.
-When i rode my plane, the storm was sooo strong! Thunders were flashing before my eyes. I kinda had a bumpy ride.
-When i was in the plane, i got hungry but had nothing to eat...
-In the end my whole day was a bad day, the day i was on my way back home.

Think Again.

-Yeah i woke up alone, but if my brother didn't got to work earlier than usual, he won't be able to bring me to the airport! I'd go alone! That's even worst!
-The mice ate my borrowed luggage, but at least it was a small damage, and the mice didn't eat anything inside from my stuff.
-I pulled it too hard(I was panicking), good thing i didn't create a bigger damage...(Lesson learned, never panic!) :)
-My uncles didn't fully fix it, but at least they solved the problem. I could close my luggage again..(The owner of the luggage was kind enough to understand...She wasn't mad at all...^_^)
-No gas, no salt, no cooking oil. So i used the oven, butter, and soy sauce to make my egg omelet and opened a can of sardines... :) Good thing God gave me a creative mind...:) It was a different kind of lunch and i enjoyed it... ^_^
- I forgot something from his house. Good thing i remembered before we rode a taxi!
-I had a six kilo excess. Good thing my brother gave me a five hundred bill for my pocket money on that day! 
-I didn't get the donuts from Go Donuts that i wanted, but at least i got to buy the best donuts from Krispy Kremes a day before, that the girl didn't have...:)
-My plane was 50 mins delayed, gave me enough time to buy more donuts for pasalubong, and appreciate the new NAIA building...:D
-Storm, thunders, bumpy ride. Good thing i was safe! Our plane didn't crash, thank God!:D
-I got hungry. God let me sleep all through out the flight! haha which was so impossible before...and when i got home, i got to eat my favorite homemade dish cooked by my mom!=3
-Yeah i got a bad day on the day i went home. Good thing nothing bad happened to me the whole week of my stay in Manila!!! It's so amazing and i had so much fun!:D 

Over all, was it a bad day? Well think again...:)

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