Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Deep Skinned Friendship

I can't believe how you looked at it,

but you turned every tear into a smile.
Now i know there's nothing that could stand,
between our deep skinned friendship.

Let's make melodies,
and celebrate this happiness,
dancing like little ladies,
even in the deepest darkness.

You turned every dark cloud
into a wondrous sun shine,
That created a smile
in every blank spot.

Let's make melodies, 
and celebrate this happiness,
dancing like little ladies,
even in the deepest darkness.

You listened, you believed, you trusted.
I can't thank you deep enough,
for being who you are in front of me,
i can't explain, this happiness deep within.

In the deepest darkness,
you chose to look at the light,
now we're back together,
never ending this circle of life.


Me and my bestfriend are okay now!!!!:D am happy! 

Bitter Sweetness

You were happy, i wanted you to stay that way,

I didn't want to kill the smile you've made.
I wanted you to keep that smile up high.
Believe me, i didn't want to turn it up side down.

But i'm sorry i just can't keep it,
This is the way it has to be,
Painful i know it may seem,
but i'm doing this for you.

I was happy that you trusted me, trust me more now,
even if what i say would hurt your heart the most,
Coz I gotta break this deadly cycle your in,
I want you to smile for long, believe me its true.

But i'm sorry i just can't keep it,
This is the way it has to be,
painful i know it may seem,
but i'm doing this for you.

Just to let you know, i hate what i did,
It pains me deep within,
but i had to do it for you,
i don't want you to crash before your smile.

Bitter you may feel with the words i said,
but sweetness is behind every word expressed.
I didn't want to say these words as well,
but i had no choice, i cared enough to let you know.

I'm sorry i just couldn't keep it,
This is the way it has to be,
Painful i know it may seem,
But this is all done for you.


Its for my best friend... i told her what i think is the truth, and i crashed her smile into tears...

Monday, August 18, 2008

Dark Dump

Down in the pits of a dark dump,

I find myself roaming with tears.
Lost in a place where i could see nothing,
but darkness and garbage.

Could someone please save me? 
and get me out of this dark dump.
I don't like it here, please save me,
I'm lost, can't find my way, save me.

I see nothing but trash and forgotten memories,
I feel sadness rooted in everything i see.
Lost in such a huge dark dump,
Could anyone even see me and hold my hand?

Could someone please save me?
and get me out of this dark dump.
I don't like it here, please save me,
I'm lost, can't find my way, save me.

My hand is reaching out high above,
can someone see it and care to reach it?
I look like trash but would you look deep within?
Would someone even care to look at this dump?

Could someone please save me?
and get me out of this dark dump.
I'm tired and i need someone now,
please save me before it's too late.


I'm tired.. i need help.. I'm lost literally. I've been like this for months.. sometimes i just want to lie down and wake up on a hospital bed...

Sunday, August 17, 2008

How could I leave you so?

I was standing alone at the back,

Hiding from the crowd i was in.
I smiled here and i smiled there,
in the end they'd swiftly leave.

But you came along and was different,
You stood by me and asked my name.
Excitedly as i may, i gave it to you,
but in the end i left you there.

How could i leave you so?
When you stood by me.
Now, I regret thy actions,
that i wished i never did.

Now that i left you on that corner,
I never will be able see you once more.
Coz when I came back to see you,
I was too late, you were long gone.

How could i leave you so?
When you stood by me.
Now, i regret thy actions,
that i wished i never did.

How i wish i could turn back time,
and ask you how you were.
To have begun a short conversation,
that would end for a lifetime. 

I failed to listen to your voice,
So now i've lost a friend.
A friendship that ended,
That never even began.

How could i leave you so?
When you stood by me.
Now, i regret thy actions,
that i wished i never did.

This is good bye,
without you hearing me say so.


Hahayz... i lost a friend even before our friendship began... Me and my shyness problems, i need to be proactive! ~_~ this is a song i wrote today. I feel this way today.. how i wished i never left him where he found me... i wonder if i'll meet him again and sing this song i've made only for him...

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Life Interviews

Questions From "The Dream Giver" by Bruce Wilkinson 

Think back what you wanted to do while you were growing up and state why.
- I wanted to be a teacher ever since i was a kid. I have to admit I've always loved the idea of being superior, but then as i grew up, it began to change. I began to realize that i wanted to be a teacher, because i wanted to give hope. I wanted to inspire teenagers, i wanted to come into their lives and help them pursue their dreams. I wanted to be their friend, their listener. I wanted teenagers to reach their fullest potential. I wanted teenagers to see what it really means when adults say "They're the future". I've and will always want to see teenagers show their real smiles. Though, most of all, i want them to meet my source of inspiration, my source of hope and that is my Savior, Jesus.

-As i grew older i began to change whom i want to be, I want to be a singer. Not just any ordinary singer, I want to be a Worship Leader. I want to inspire people through my singing. I want God to use my mellow singing as an instrument to talk to His children. I have a very soft and mellow voice, i've always wanted it that way, for it relaxes people and i know that when one person is relaxed, their mind is at peace, thus letting them hear God clearly. I want to write songs that would bring teenagers back to God. I want to sing to most beautiful tone that i could release that presents how beautiful God is. 

- Later on i found one more thing that i want to be. I want to be an animator and a cosplayer. I want to use this medium to attract teenagers to read or watch my story. My story about people's testimonies about God, my story about my life with God, and Jesus' story. My story full that is full of insights, but most of all, God's story in disguise as mine. I wanted to cosplay with the same reason, to attract teenagers; or more likely teenagers too addicted to anime. There are some teenagers out there who love anime so much that they make their own world in their own mind. People call them weird or funny, but in reality they're just lost or different. Why do i know this? Coz i was one of them before. If i could only talk to them i know they'd listen, but they won't listen unless you know their world or act like one from their world.

In the end i came to realize that i may have four different dreams, but they only lead to one calling. A heart for the Youth.

What have I always been good at?
- Arts and Music. I have a passion for singing and drawing. I could create something wonderful from trash. I could put my wild imaginations on pen and ink, and even pictures and colors. I could love someone without expecting that someone to love me back. I could make people smile through being me.. ^_^

What needs do i care about most?
- Teenagers unable to be loved or unable to reach their dreams. Teenagers unable to smile or laugh. Teenagers who keeps on crying. Teenagers who has a deep longing. Teenagers who seem lost. Fatherless teenagers( I am a daddy's girl ). 

Who do i admire most?
-  A youth pastor i once had, who spoke with passion and wisdom that led me into tears the very time she began to speak up to the point she prayed as she ended her sermon. My Father who has so much wisdom that gave answers to the questions of a lot of lost teenagers.

What makes me most fulfilled?
- When i know that God used me to prevent or stop a teenager from crying; and see them give out a smile in different ways.

What do i love to do most?
- I love to sing soft and mellow music, i love to write, i love to do anything crafty from edible to inedible, i love making other people smile, i love loving someone, i love teenagers, i love to make something beautiful from trash. I love encouraging people, i love hugging people, i love making others feel good about themselves. I love excitement and smiles.

What have i felt called to do?
- To reach out to broken Teenagers/Youth.

What legacy would i want to leave for my children and grandchildren?
- That God was able to make an animation or song that saved teenager's souls through my talents. 

Golden Nuggets~

I Don't Want to Sleep

These past few weeks i didn't want to sleep. Every time nightfall came i hated the feeling of lying down and closing my eyes. At that time, i thought it was because my day was so exciting that i didn't want to bother to sleep.

Nope. I was dead wrong. It was the complete opposite. 

I didn't want to sleep because i didn't live my day to the fullest. I end up wasting it. I finished my day without thanking God, i finished my day without seeing God's plan for me. August 3, 2008 can never be the same as August 4, 2008. We could never have that date repeated, but rather it ends up as history. 

Today never got to help Tomorrow, because Today looked at Tomorrow first before he even looked at himself. Yesterday stole Today's attention, and Today stayed in Grief. Future wanted to give Tomorrow Happiness as Today wanted it, but Today was so focused on Yesterday that Future couldn't give her gift to Tomorrow. That end up that Present being unopened and wasted.

I wonder that if i see my Book of Life, would i see waste written all over in most of my days? How about yours? Made me think, why do people have insomnia anyway? Coz if i know, if one person is very happy, they can sleep sweetly. Meaning, people who have insomnia, has the same problem as mine? They couldn't find satisfaction in their day?... 

One Quotation really struck me, it asks, 'Are you living your dream? Or just living your life?' -Bruce Wilkinson

My Dream

Where the need is, where my burden is, where my sorrow is, where my strength is used, where my passion burns... there lies my dream.

Too Late?..

As Long as I have breath, it is never too late to act on my dream it is never too late to find who I really am.. Our dreams are very important to God, He will never let it die until the need is present. The way I pursue my dream is too unique for any other person who'd pursue it. I can never be the same as You. As Long as you have Faith and Hope as your friend, Too Late will never come near you.

So far that's all i have for now..:)

Saturday, August 2, 2008

I need...

It’s funny how sometimes you don’t know what to do anymore. Everything seems to go wrong. No matter how much you look at the positive side, the negative still reigns…


I just don’t know what to do, I know God is there, but there’s so much in my mind, so much hindrances, so much distractions that I couldn’t hear Him, nor feel Him… I hate this feeling, this feeling of failing at everything.


I have been in this situation for a long time now. Actually ever since I went back home. I feel a deep longing, I feel insecure… I practically feel lost. Everything I do, seems to be wrong. Everything I try to achieve goes flat to disappointments.


I try to fight back, but I am just not strong enough. I can’t do anything right anymore. I left my manners somewhere, I lost my smile, I misplaced my responsibility, I hid my politeness somewhere, I dropped my integrity… I practically lost a lot of things.


Is this what they call change?  Why is it so hard? This change that they talk about, it’s so hard to adjust in. Leaving my comfort behind me; and straining to some unknown future. Change… Why is life bending to you?


Change is becoming too constant in my life. Everything I am, everything I do, is changing. I’m growing up, but my heart disapproves. Deep within I want to be a kid, but the world cannot see me as one anymore. Taking me for granted, lying to me, seducing me, pulls me to a dark place, offering me a drugged drink, these are some things the world offers me that a kid would definitely take because of its innocence.


But Someone out there is protecting me, telling me to grow up to be an adult, to survive this dark place they call reality. A kid at heart I maybe, but on the outer core I must show a matured lady.


All through this changes, these letting go of things, this growing up; This vague future I have, this unknown path I will take, I need one thing, one important thing.


I need a friend.

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