Cars

I am really not fond of cars,
yes they're very fast,
but i just don't get why men,
loves it so so much.

I see their excitement,
the thrill in their eyes,
their enthusiasm as they speak,
the passion, the dream, the longing.

I can't see in any way,
how i could love cars,
as much as men does...
Its just impossible.


But then...


What if my future prince,
would love cars so much,
so much to the point that,
he wants to talk about it, with me?

How can i relate, if i don't like it at all,
how can i listen if i find it boring,
how can i appreciate it when i see it as metal,
how can i support what he likes?

I don't like it.
but not liking it, is a choice..
wait...
Hey! Then i can choose to like it!

Now i can clearly see,
I may not like it now,
for i have no reason to like it at all,
not even a tiny bit.

But someday, if my prince,
would love it so much,
i think its the most reasonable reason,
to like cars as well.

I would choose to like cars,
coz i love my prince so much,
that i would love what he loves as well,
To see the car not as a mere metal no more.

This is the beauty of loving someone,
I get to love something i ignored before,
For love indeed is a choice,
and choices doesn't depend on feelings.

Now i may not appreciate cars,
but when my prince comes and loves it,
i would surely learn how to love it,
as i learned how to love him...:)

Men.

I have a very high standards, especially towards choosing the right man. I was actually very focused on the physical appearance, because i am an artistic person.

I like a guy who is thin, tall, has a bushy hair, a foreigner, musician or artist, older than me, wears a silver cross necklace, has glasses, looks like an anime, quiet, deep, mysterious, and has a cute smile.

I have more if you ask me. It's very very physical, but then as i asked myself, "Am i looking for a model or a lover?" So i thought about it, i thought of the inner qualities i'd like from a guy.

First of all of course he must be a believer, and next, he must be sincere....

..

That's it... He has to be sincere...

..

I realized a lot of guys had promised to me when i was younger, that they'd wait for me until i turn eighteen(that was the time i would accept courtship). I trusted them, in the end they all failed me. 

Some of them had a girlfriend and told me, "I'm still waiting for you, this girl is only for the meantime." The heck?! What are those other girls then? TOYS? or do they think i'm dumb enough not to think that they're playing with me? Hahayz.

Some said they'd really wait, in the end they said we're good enough as best friends... If only they really waited... If only they were sincere with their promises... I just know i'd say 'yes' to them. But no, no one was patient enough to wait for me...

They told me its hard to wait for me. What did they think? that it was easy for me? They were only thinking about themselves... Is that love?

No one dared, nor kept single for me. All, every single guy, who said 'loves' me, never waited. They gave up so easily... I thought of those guys... and if only one of them was sincere enough, i'd turn down the others easily... 

But no, no one waited. I've kept myself pure all this years. I never had a boyfriend even if the world insists that i did have. They just don't understand, maybe they can't accept the fact that there are still women out there who treasures purity even in the smallest ways such as holding hands and saying those three little words....

I am crazy about guys, for i am a very emotional girl, i can't live forever without a man by my side, i know i need one; but now, i'll stop looking and start enjoying. Enjoy singlehood...

There is so much in this world that i can do as a woman, that i cannot do when i become a wife. I'm eighteen, i'm young, and i'm single and proud of it.

A salesman actually asked me awhile ago,

"Why aren't you with your boyfriend?"

I was like, "I don't want to."

then he asked, "How many boyfriends do you have?"

I answered, "None at all"

He said," A cute girl like you, no boyfriend? you've got to be kidding. I don't believe you."

What's so hard about accepting the fact that i don't have a boyfriend? or is it one way of men flirting? Dude... i gotta learn more about how men think before i meet the one for me! :P

Its time i put an end to this searching and begin molding myself, to be the best woman i can be for my prince who'll surely come at the right time...:)

Catching up.

I was reading a children's book about meditation, and a poem struck my heart...

The work that God assigned to us,

unimportant as it seems,

that makes our task outstanding

and brings reality to dreams.

So do not sit and idly wish

for wider, new dimensions

where you can put in practice

your many good intentions.

But at the spot God placed you

begin at once to do

the little things to brighten up

the lives surrounding you.

I've been so busy about my passion and heart for the youth of Japan, that i completely forgot of the youth around. Also busy about my emotions towards men. I realized that it is a choice to think about such things or not.

It's time to just stop thinking and to just do it. I have been confused for a long time now when faith is the only thing that could erase confusion, and also taking the risk of committing mistakes. I have lived the way I want recently and i want to live the way God does...

About the guy, i know someday i'll meet the perfect one for me..:) it's not the time to focus about it, all i need to focus on right now is my faith.

It's time to pick up the pace and catch up with the race that God has set before me... ^__^

Errr, First Love??

It's our family fun day in our church today. Had so much fun! Not to mention that we won champion in the volleyball... Though overall we were last... Ahihi but atleast we got 1st in volley!~

Anyway, I was so focused on the games... Until I saw someone who looked like exactly Kyle (not his real name) whom i liked sooo000oooo much in manila. The guy really reminds me of Kyle... The way he played basketball was just like Kyle... Then as I was watching him play basketball, my friends teased me to his teammate, Fritz (not his real name) which I confessed to the whole youth group that i like. I do like Fritz but maybe because of my uber big mouth that spread the word to the whole group, made me just uber distant from him.

I still admire Fritz's looks and his personality, but that's admiration and nothing else. Nothing deeper unlike Kyle.

I've liked Kyle for more than 6 years up until now. He's still the one in my heart, though I didn't get to know him well, but I did have my kilig moments with him a lot of times, and not to mention that he did like me before too! Hahah ironic i say... but then, it is still shallow i know...

Made me just realize that I have never fallen inlove yet.

Though i have never fallen inlove yet, i did have tons of crushes. Like there was even a time where i had a 'Flavor of the month'! it's really funny... But i guess its something about my artistic mind or i am just plain blunt to admit that i do get attracted to the opposite gender everyday (which is the truth with every man/women in this world).

I just realized how shallow i was towards men!XD and to think that i had an M.U. with a few men and to think that was already love! Haha... Anyway... I don't know i think i'm just in this stage into which i seek for the opposite gender's attention.

And oh yeah before i forgot there where other two men whom I had a loong(and i mean years) M.U. with... Haha good thing they didn't know how to court! One of them i almost said "yes" to; good thing it didn't work out or else i would be guilty of having my first boyfriend with a shallow motive or feeling.

I had to admit several guys did court me when i was younger, but now that I am getting older (Man i can't believe i just said that!) no one is even daring to talk to me! Hay...

One more dilemma of mine is, what I like about a guy is his seriousness, and here i am Ms. childish girl who's been always mistaken for an elementary kid. I guess no man would really take me seriously. *sigh* Oh well, guessing its not yet my time...

I have to admit... At times i do want to have someone to court me; but then again God knows best if i can handle it or not. So all i will do now is trust in Him and love Him first...:)

Anyway back to that guy whom I admired for today. He doesn't even know me... Not even by name I believe. I even tried to ask his name! Good thing something deep inside me stopped me from making a great fool out of myself. I really wanted to know him, but rather than make some silly moves, i just prayed for him. I asked God to make a way for him to be my friend; but I am placing it all in His hands. So yeah... He knows what is best for me... :)

I have to admit, I am still immature about this 'men' or 'love' thing... Though one thing i know, I'm still young and I am enjoying my singlehood!:D Though i do want to grow up....^^;;...

So, I'm stopping on focusing on my daily crushes but rather thank God for creating such attractive and wonderful men... :D To not think of attracting the opposite gender, but to be simply being Me..:D I am all free and open now, no guys in my heart, except God and God alone... :) Oh yeah, not open to any courtship neither! Only friendship... Haha...xD

Right now, I am falling more deeper and deeper with God, and i do believe i can find no happiness and joy more than loving God with all my heart...:)