Monday, June 9, 2008

Errr, First Love??

It's our family fun day in our church today. Had so much fun! Not to mention that we won champion in the volleyball... Though overall we were last... Ahihi but atleast we got 1st in volley!~

Anyway, I was so focused on the games... Until I saw someone who looked like exactly Kyle (not his real name) whom i liked sooo000oooo much in manila. The guy really reminds me of Kyle... The way he played basketball was just like Kyle... Then as I was watching him play basketball, my friends teased me to his teammate, Fritz (not his real name) which I confessed to the whole youth group that i like. I do like Fritz but maybe because of my uber big mouth that spread the word to the whole group, made me just uber distant from him.

I still admire Fritz's looks and his personality, but that's admiration and nothing else. Nothing deeper unlike Kyle.

I've liked Kyle for more than 6 years up until now. He's still the one in my heart, though I didn't get to know him well, but I did have my kilig moments with him a lot of times, and not to mention that he did like me before too! Hahah ironic i say... but then, it is still shallow i know...

Made me just realize that I have never fallen inlove yet.

Though i have never fallen inlove yet, i did have tons of crushes. Like there was even a time where i had a 'Flavor of the month'! it's really funny... But i guess its something about my artistic mind or i am just plain blunt to admit that i do get attracted to the opposite gender everyday (which is the truth with every man/women in this world).

I just realized how shallow i was towards men!XD and to think that i had an M.U. with a few men and to think that was already love! Haha... Anyway... I don't know i think i'm just in this stage into which i seek for the opposite gender's attention.

And oh yeah before i forgot there where other two men whom I had a loong(and i mean years) M.U. with... Haha good thing they didn't know how to court! One of them i almost said "yes" to; good thing it didn't work out or else i would be guilty of having my first boyfriend with a shallow motive or feeling.

I had to admit several guys did court me when i was younger, but now that I am getting older (Man i can't believe i just said that!) no one is even daring to talk to me! Hay...

One more dilemma of mine is, what I like about a guy is his seriousness, and here i am Ms. childish girl who's been always mistaken for an elementary kid. I guess no man would really take me seriously. *sigh* Oh well, guessing its not yet my time...

I have to admit... At times i do want to have someone to court me; but then again God knows best if i can handle it or not. So all i will do now is trust in Him and love Him first...:)

Anyway back to that guy whom I admired for today. He doesn't even know me... Not even by name I believe. I even tried to ask his name! Good thing something deep inside me stopped me from making a great fool out of myself. I really wanted to know him, but rather than make some silly moves, i just prayed for him. I asked God to make a way for him to be my friend; but I am placing it all in His hands. So yeah... He knows what is best for me... :)

I have to admit, I am still immature about this 'men' or 'love' thing... Though one thing i know, I'm still young and I am enjoying my singlehood!:D Though i do want to grow up....^^;;...

So, I'm stopping on focusing on my daily crushes but rather thank God for creating such attractive and wonderful men... :D To not think of attracting the opposite gender, but to be simply being Me..:D I am all free and open now, no guys in my heart, except God and God alone... :) Oh yeah, not open to any courtship neither! Only friendship... Haha...xD
Right now, I am falling more deeper and deeper with God, and i do believe i can find no happiness and joy more than loving God with all my heart...:)


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