Monday, June 2, 2008

Sprained knee, in depth wisdom.

It’s funny to know that I only see my world outside my window. Thinking that this is how far I could go. Doing my daily walk with God, eating, dieting, going out with friends, using the computer…you know, the normal things, normal teens do.

But, was I meant to be normal? If I was… then why is there so much passion in my heart that whispers to my soul “Outside your window, is a huge sky, that reaches to the ends of the earth… Go out and reach it!”

Something inside me keeps on telling me that I am not meant to sit on my own bed, on my own home, on my own village, on my own country. I am meant to go out and reach out. I am not even meant to spend my own money on myself, I am not meant to use my gifts for myself, I am not meant to live the normal way.

I am meant, to live the way God wants to.

Walking in the unknown streets, living in other places, using the most unsanitary toilets, speaking in front of crowds, dancing, leading worship by myself, going to ‘skwaters’ rather than the mall, buying little food for myself, spending more money in missions, being responsible and healing people in faith. I may say, this is not me, if I do theses things it would really not be me no more… but I once heard someone say, “Yeah, it won’t be you anymore, but it would be God in you.”

It’s really not about me, its not about what I want, what I desire, what I plan for… but its all about God, God’s plans, God’s blessings, God’s calling.

Here I am sitting in front of my computer, having internet, showering my thought down to blogging, enjoying the serenity of my surrounding… and yet, at this very moment, at this very minute, this very second, people are dying… Old and young, dying at this very moment… Maybe somewhere here in Davao someone has died. In Africa, in Canada, in Japan, in Korea, in China… thousands and thousands of people die, are dying at this moment… and only one question has been running back and forth in my mind..

“Will they go to Heaven?...”

Thousands and thousands die… how many has gone to Heaven?.. Are there more in Heaven, or more in Hell?...

At this very moment, all I could think of are my friends...

Enzo, Patricia, Kat, Zhel, Shane, Marcel, Chris, Angelo, JayJay, Momo, Mudsi, Karen, Ralph, Kyrie, Kyra, Galileo, Josh, Stephen, James, Nikko and so much more…

What if they die today? Where do they go? Will I see them in Heaven later on? Or I won’t find them anywhere because of my timidity?...

I do believe the fact that they are my friends only means one thing… I am responsible to share to them the key to Heaven… but because of my timidity and laziness, I can’t do a thing… Because I am afraid, I am afraid that they would laugh at me…I am afraid that they won’t accept me no more, I am afraid that they would reject this key that I must share

But I do believe it is time, time to share, to stand up and kill this fear; Time to face reality and accept the persecution; Time to forget about myself and to think of other people; Time to lose friends and win souls to Christ; Time to accept that I am not normal, I am different.

If I can’t win souls for Christ here in my comfort zone… What more outside the world? To go out, is to step out, to step out is to finish where I am standing on first.

It is not like me to share the Gospel to my friends and to risk to lose them, but it’s already God using me.


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